ATM Procedures - Male vs. Female
proposed: 4 May 2007
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling
customers to withdraw cash without
leaving their vehicles. Donkey in a Well. One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well [...]
Customers are requested to use the
procedures outlined below when accessing
After months of
careful research, MALE & FEMALE
Procedures have been developed.
Please follow the Appropriate steps
for your gender."
1. Drive up to the
2. Put down your
3. Insert card into
machine and enter PIN.
amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
most of this part is the Truth!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the
required amount to align car window with
3. Set parking
brake, put the window down.
Find handbag, remove all contents on to
passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you
will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into
7. Open car door to
allow easier access to machine due to
its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find
diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
12. Press cancel and
re-enter correct PIN.
amount of cash required.
Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate
wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check
register and place receipt in back of
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder,
and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate
male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull
25. Redial person on cell
26. Drive for 2 to 3
27. Release Parking
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