proposed: 24 May 2007
This is hysterical. If it had been
presented this way, I don't believe any
of us would have done it!!!! ATM Procedures - Male vs. Female. A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: Please note this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers are [...]
Mom, Mommy, Mama,
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
Long-term team players needed for
challenging permanent work in an often
must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to
work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent
24-hour shifts on call.
overnight travel required, including
trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in faraway cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also
of your life.
Must be willing
to be hated, at least temporarily, until
someone needs $5.
willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical
stamina of a pack mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in three seconds
flat in case, this time, the screams
from the backyard are not someone just
Must be willing to
face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck
Must screen phone
calls, maintain calendars, and
coordinate production of multiple
ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages and
willing to be indispensable one minute
and an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product
safety testing of a half million cheap
plastic toys and battery-operated
Must always hope for
the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the
also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
are lucky, you may be promoted to the
position of Grandparent. Of course, you
must still retain and fulfill all the
responsibilities of Parent while
assuming the new title and job
responsibilities of Grandparent.
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
this! You pay them!
frequent raises and bonuses.
balloon payment is due when they turn 18
because of the assumption that college
will help them become financially
When you die, you
give them whatever is left.
oddest thing about this reverse-salary
scheme is that you actually enjoy it and
wish you could only do more.
While no health
or dental insurance, no pension, no
tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays,
and no stock options are offered, this
job supplies limitless opportunities for
personal growth and free hugs and kisses
for life if you play your cards right.
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