Closer

Articol din categoria: Texte in Engleza English

propus: 8 Apr 2006
sursa: Nu-l stiu

1. Dodging Arrows

Does it ever upset you when a partner expresses anger or hurt feelings? It's important to realize that when someone expresses their feelings, they are not necessarily rational.

They do not necessarily mean anything they say. They are, in fact, letting emotional energy release, like flying arrows. If you stand in their way - by doing anything other than just listening - it's like making yourself a target.

So, do not - repeat - DO NOT! take anything personally. Do not try to correct, disagree or "fix" anything. Do not argue over a point or try to make a point. But at the same time, don't just walk away.

Instead breathe, keep quiet and dodge all arrows! Simply listen to them as they release their feelings. This will later be appreciated greatly. It is a rare gift, one that shows you have uncommon strength and wisdom.



2. Support

Most of us say we want to be involved in a "supportive" relationship. But what's the best way to support a partner?

If they are upset, for instance, what should you do? Try to make them feel better? Try to reason with them or solve their problem? Tell them they shouldn't feel the way they do?

Ironically, such efforts to "help" usually will upset them more. It comes across as invalidating.

So, it's far better just to listen! The most supportive thing you can do is to really hear what your partner is saying. This helps them more than anything else.

Remember to breathe. Realize there's nothing to solve. Nothing to fix. Nothing to correct. Maybe even nothing to say. Don't take anything personally.

Just be there. And mostly be quiet. This is actually one of the greatest gifts you can give. It will be appreciated later.



3. Polarities

Partners can contrast with each other in so many ways. Optimist-pessimist, introvert-extrovert, dreamer-realist, emotional-rational, wanting closeness-needing space, showing anger-disliking anger, just to name a few.

Too often, we fight over whose way is "right" and how things "should" be done. Like monkeys on a seesaw, we can polarize in a struggle over our differences.

It's powerful to see that differences with a partner are doorways to our own wholeness. How does that work? Well, actually, our partner is showing us an undeveloped aspect of ourselves. The fight is less about them and more about our own inner struggle with that quality they are showing us.

If we are truly courageous, we could learn from them. But at least we could bring more acceptance to that quality and reduce some unproductive friction.

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